


White Poppies

by kviis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Clothed Sex, Dry Humping, F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Hanahaki Disease, I cried while writing this, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Requited Unrequited Love, Rey Needs A Hug, Smut, even if u dont know what hanahaki is this is still readable, everyone but ben and rey are pretty minor in this, first order coup!, fuck it leia needs a hug too, hux shouldve been the villain in tros and we all know it, its implied cause rey doesnt know at this point, thats the kind of angst it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:40:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24245899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kviis/pseuds/kviis
Summary: Rey was training in the forest on Ajan Kloss when Finn came crashing through the brush with the first good news in months.Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was dying.The Hanahaki AU none of you asked for.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Kylo Ren/Ben Solo
Comments: 33
Kudos: 174





	White Poppies

Rey was training in the forest on Ajan Kloss when Finn came crashing through the brush with the first good news in months.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was dying.

She had the presence of mind to wait until her best friend left before vomiting her rations up into the ferns at her feet.

There wasn’t any specific information, their spy only knew that Ren was sick, fatally so, but not from what. The tense atmosphere around the Resistance base was alleviated, for a while at least. _ The tide is turning, finally. The first order grows weaker with their leader. It must be the will of the Force _ , they said.

Poe Dameron was quick to remind people that an empire does not fall with its leader, as their General knew well. General Organa was absent from that meeting, but no one thought too much of it, save for Rey.

She visited Leia that night. They sat in silence, comforted by the grief they shared. Two mourners in a sea of celebration.

The next day, Rey didn’t have the strength to hold the bond shut.

She saw him in what must be his chambers since he was only wearing a loose tunic and pants. Without his regalia, Ben Solo could be anyone in the galaxy. Just a man sitting with one hand on his temple, struggling with something other than the weight of galactic dominance.

Rey wanted to scream at him. She wanted to run to him. Nonsensically, she wanted to ask him if he was  _ okay _ . But she couldn’t. She wasn’t supposed to know he was dying.

Even so, Rey could see it in Ben’s face, when he finally turned to look at her. His skin was pallid, the bruises under his eyes even heavier than usual. His collarbones jutted from where they peaked above the low neckline of his tunic. Though certainly not skinny, he had lost weight.

Agonizingly, he  _ smiled _ .

“Rey.” Ben’s voice was hoarse and sweet with relief.

“Kylo Ren,” She choked out, and his smile dropped.

“Is that really what we’re back to?”

Rey couldn’t bring herself to fire back with the scathing reply she once would have. She just stared at him, trying not to cry.

“I suppose that’s fair-“ Ben was interrupted by a violent fit of coughing, and Rey stepped forward instinctively, barely able to restrain herself from running to him. One of his hands shot up to press over his lips, trying to stifle the evidence of his illness. Though he tried to hide it, Rey could see the red splattered against his skin when his hand moved away in a tight fist.

“You’re sick.” At least now she had a reason to know that.

“Seems that way.” He rasped, rubbing tiredly at his eyes with his unbloodied hand. The other one was still fisted in his lap.

“Is it-“ Rey paused, unsure. They aren’t friends, they’re technically enemies, they’re definitely something  _ more  _ than that- exactly where were the lines in this situation? “Is it serious?”

“No, a passing cold,” Ben replied drily. Of course he wouldn’t admit to a weakness like a deadly illness, but he knew she wasn’t stupid.

“Ben, please.” Rey’s shoulders were trembling.

“Please? Aren’t we passed pleasantries, Rey?” He stood, and she suddenly found it hard to imagine this man dying of something as  _ mortal  _ as an illness, “Why not just hold your saber to my throat and demand your answers?” He threw his hands out, one still spattered with blood, “I’m in no position to defend myself.”

Rey sighed sharply and opened her mouth to respond- but something caught her eye. Falling gently from the palm of Ben’s stained hand was a petal. Small, and creased, and bloody, but undeniably a white petal. A pit of bewildered dread opened in her stomach.

“What-”

“It’s nothing,” Ben snarled, turning his back to her, “ _ Leave _ .”

The anger that had been doused by grief sparked to life again, “ _ Leave? _ ” Rey stalked forward, “I wish I could! You think I _ want- _ ” The barbs died in her throat when Ben suddenly lurched forward, coughing violently, his hands clutching his chest. Blood and flowers splattered the floor and Rey didn’t have time to think before her feet were moving, bringing her to Ben’s side. She grabbed his shoulder, pulled back his hair, fell with him when his hacking cough brought him to his knees.

“Ben- What  _ is  _ this?” Rey cried, not moving when he tried to shrug her off.

He laughed, and it made Rey want to  _ sob _ . When Ben looked up at her, it was with such bitter  _ hurt  _ that her hands dropped from his hair, from his face.

“What else could it be? It’s  _ you _ , Rey.”

And then he disappeared.

Rey stayed there, kneeling on the floor of her room. Ben didn’t say it, but his meaning was clear.  _ You did this to me _ .

Rey didn’t sleep that night. She scoured the Holonet for any indication of the illness Ben had, and when she found it she nearly pitched her datapad across the room.

_ Hanahaki  _ disease. An affliction of unrequited love. Fatal.

Rey stared at the screen, tears dripping down her face, fury and remorse warring in her gut. She couldn’t decide who she was angrier with, Ben Solo, or herself.

If he had _ told her _ -

But what then? Rey would have returned his feelings, of course, but where could it lead? The two of them, torn apart by a war  _ he  _ continued, a conflict she  _ cannot  _ secede to. And of course Ben had assumed the worst, of course his lungs sprouted flowers from his pain and repression. He called himself a monster, he beat his wounds for strength, he believed, wholeheartedly, that no one could love him because he  _ hated  _ himself. The idiot.  _ Bastard _ . She hated him, she  _ loved  _ him. And he loved her back.

The desperate, helpless, guilty  _ joy  _ that brought nearly sent Rey to her knees in shame. Ben was dying and her heart was so full it might break into pieces.

After this, Rey was hopelessly distracted. At meals and meetings and training, she watched and waited for the breathless feeling of  _ wholeness  _ that came when their bond snapped into place. She needed to tell him before the sickness he shouldn’t have stole him away.

Finn knew something was wrong, and “it’s Force stuff” didn’t dissuade him like it did everyone else. It just made him ask more questions, though she couldn’t imagine why he was suddenly so interested.

At night, Rey lay awake for hours, hoping. Unwilling to risk a connection while she was asleep and unaware. When she woke up in the morning, having passed out from exhaustion, her eyes burned with frustrated tears.

Reports from their spy told of increasing chaos in the Order’s ranks, but soon after, intel stopped coming. Either they decided the risk was too great, or more likely, they were caught and killed. But with the leader of their enemy dying, little could damper the spirits of the Resistance. Kylo Ren hadn’t made a public appearance in weeks. It was only a matter of time.

The next time Rey saw Ben through their bond, she was training in the forest and he was sprinting past her, saber twirling and slashing invisible blaster bolts out of the air. 

She rushed after him, terrified. Even as Ben’s spitting red blade splashed sizzling blood across the ferns of the forest on Ajan Kloss, as he finally hunched over, panting, enemies slain, Rey could see the sickness wearing on him. She once saw him fight through a bowcaster bolt to the stomach, but  _ hanahaki  _ had his knees shaking with the effort it took to hold him up.

As if just realizing she was there, Ben jerked his head up abruptly, immediately on guard. It hurt, though Rey knew his wariness was warranted. But he didn’t turn to look at her. He took a shuddering breath, from exhaustion or the flowers clogging his lungs, Rey wasn’t sure. He began to walk away.

“Ben!” Rey shouted, and she followed along behind him, struggling to match his lengthy strides, “Ben,  _ wait _ .”

“If I wait, my men will kill me.” His voice was aggravated and haggard, and his words nearly stopped her dead.

“ _ What? _ ”

Ben turned his head slightly and Rey saw the edge of his self-deprecating smile, “You haven’t heard? There’s been a coup. I’ve been deemed  _ unfit to lead _ . The First Order belongs to Hux now.”

That did stop her, “You mean- you’re not the Supreme Leader anymore?”

Ben halted as well, “Of  _ course _ that’s what you get from that,” He snarled, whirling to face her, “ _ Yes _ , Rey, I have no power now. I’m alone.” Ben’s voice was rough and angry but his eyes were wet, “So leave me.  _ Alone _ .” And then he stormed off again.

“No!” Rey lunged after him, and he clearly didn’t expect her to because when she grabbed his arm and spun him around, he let her, “You’re not alone!”

The words, and the memory, fell between them like a wall. Ben flinched back immediately, as if he’d been slapped. His eyes widened and he looked so incredibly vulnerable it twisted Rey’s heart to pieces in her chest.

“You…” His lips trembled, “What do you  _ want  _ from me, Rey.” 

She stared up at Ben and let her hand drop from his shoulder. The lack of contact burned at her fingers, “I want you to listen,” She grimaced, if only they had  _ time _ , “But not right now. Go. Escape.” Rey looked intently into his tired eyes, “I’ll see you again.”

Ben stared down at her for a long moment, head tilted back aloofly, defensively.

“Fine.”

And he was gone.

The news of Hux’s hostile takeover of the First Order reached the Resistance the next day, but Rey was too distracted to pretend to be surprised. She was wracked by guilt for not telling Ben how she felt, for not ending his torment. If he died before their next bond, she’d never forgive herself. But the scared look in his eyes… Ben had been so  _ ready  _ for Rey to hurt him.

It opened a vulnerable wound in her chest that she’d kept covered and secret for years. How could he love her? How could he  _ continue  _ to love her? Rey had heard of love starved out by pain and time, she’d read of  _ hanahaki  _ that faded with the emotions of those afflicted by it. She didn’t want that, and her own selfishness was acid eating at the cavity of her chest.

Rey imagined confessing, only for him to sneer, and reject her in a voice without the rasp of sickness. She had been too scared. Too much of a coward, and now if he  _ died- _

To avoid dwelling on it, Rey threw herself into training, researching, repairing ships, anything that would distract her.

But the Force never connected them again.

Because the next time Rey saw Ben it was in person, and he was in chains.

The First Order had become a formidable opponent under Supreme Leader Hux, the turning tide had turned back again. Rey did what she could, flying missions, scouting new outposts, leading forces into battle on the ground, all at the behest of an increasingly weary General. 

Rey worried for Leia, she worried for Finn, Rose, the Resistance. And beneath it all, through it all, she worried for  _ Ben _ , whom she hadn’t seen in weeks. So when bounty hunters landed on Ajan Kloss, promising a war criminal for a handsome sum, Rey thought little of it. 

She returned to the base from a scouting mission with Finn in the Falcon, hours after Kylo Ren had been detained in their makeshift brig. 

When Poe Dameron sprinted towards them as they walked down the ramp, Rey’s gut dropped. Her first thoughts were of Leia, and her declining health, but Poe’s face was- excited. Hopeful,  _ fearful _ .

“We got him.” Were the first words out of his mouth, “Ren, he’s-” And then Rey was running.

Finn and Poe called after her, but she was  _ gone _ . She sprinted for the brig, past the lingering groups of intrigued Resistance members, gathering for a bit of information, a  _ glance  _ at the shadow that had haunted them relentlessly just a month ago. Rey raced down the tunneling halls, skidding through each turn, barely dodging officers and medical personnel-

Medical-

Dread carved a pit in her gut.

Leia stood, a hand to her brow, in front of a cell door.

“General-” Rey said, in a rush of breath. 

The woman wasn’t startled by her sudden appearance. She looked as though little could shock her now.

“Please, Rey,” She began, with a small smile, “I’ve told you to call me Leia.”

But the next name out of Rey’s mouth was- “ _ Ben _ .”

The older woman closed her eyes briefly, “He’s here.” When she opened them, they were bright with tears, “Rey, he’s very sick… What he has, it’s not- a normal illness.” 

“I know.” Rey’s voice was stalwart, determined. Leia blinked in surprise, then a suspicion glimmered to life in her eyes.

“Rey…” Her lips quirked wryly, “No, I’ll let you keep your secrets- for now.” She warned, “You’re going to have to tell me  _ everything  _ eventually.”

Rey smiled tentatively, “I will.” She began edging impatiently towards the door, and Leia let her through.

A wary officer tapped in the code, and then she was rushing inside, barely aware of the door hissing shut behind her.

Ben Solo sat on a cot in the corner of the room, back against the wall, his head resting on one knee. His armor and cape were gone, leaving him in an uncomfortably loose-fitting tunic, pants, and boots. He was skinnier than when she saw him last, his hair was dirty, and she could see dried blood staining various areas of his body. 

_ Why the fuck haven’t they given him bacta _ , was Rey’s first thought, and just as she began to shake with rage, the door opened again and a medic swept past her.

Ben hardly acknowledged the man as he began cleaning and patching his wounds, just lifting his head enough to give the medic access to his face, and then his eyes locked with Rey’s and he froze.

“Please leave.” Was the first thing Ben said to Rey in person since she left him on the bloody floor of Snoke’s throne room.

The medic looked up, determined that he wasn’t the one being spoken to, and got back to work.

Rey opened her mouth, closed it, and walked out of the cell.

She didn’t respond to whatever Leia said as she walked past. She ignored Finn as he ran down the hallway to her, asking what happened, and then _ what did he say to you _ , furiously.

Rey went straight to her room and locked the door.

It was the “ _ please _ ” that hurt the most.

Rey went back to his cell the next day, because it didn’t matter if he didn’t love her anymore, if he didn’t want to see her, if he hated her. She needed to tell him.

The guards at his cell door hesitated before giving her access, and Rey hesitated even longer before stepping inside.

Ben was in the same position he had been yesterday. It was as if he thought lying down would be a sign of surrender, rather than the comfortable rest he so obviously needed. Looking at his face, Rey could tell that he, like herself, hadn’t slept one moment last night. 

He looked at her like one would an exploding star, moments before being consumed by its fire. Like she was beautiful and about to kill him.

“Ben.” His resigned expression tore at her, and Rey struggled to find the words she’d spent the past few weeks meticulously crafting, “Are you-” She took a shaky breath, “Are you still sick?” Her voice wobbled precariously at the end of the question, weakened by the true weight of what she was asking.

“You mean do I still love you,” Ben replied flatly, voice ragged with his illness. His cuffed hands were clenched in tight fists.

Rey blinked a few times. She had  _ known _ , but hearing him acknowledge it- 

“I’m sure it would comfort you to hear that I didn’t,” A wound cracked open between her ribs, and she opened her mouth to argue- “But I’m not really in the mood to be  _ comforting _ .”

Rey’s breath hiccupped in her chest, “Y-you still-”

Ben’s expression twisted into pained humiliation, and he looked away with such force he might as well have been slapped, “I’m sorry you have to  _ suffer  _ my affections.” He snarled softly.

Her will broke and she rushed forward, surprising Ben to his feet with her haste. His shoulders tensed and his head tilted back, only for Rey to reach up and jerk it down again, inhaling his gasp of shock as she pressed her lips to his. His eyelashes fluttered against her cheek as he blinked rapidly.

Rey pulled back, and Ben followed her forward without meaning to, stopping inches from her face as she lowered off the tips of her toes.

“I’ll gladly suffer them,” She rasped, “If you’ll have mine.”

Ben’s pupils were blown out, leaving the barest ring of golden-brown iris as he stared down at her in bewildered awe, “You- you truly-”

“I love you,” Rey said, emphatically, imploringly, and her next words, _ so don’t die _ , were swallowed by Ben’s mouth as he lunged down to kiss her. It was deep, starved,  _ consummate _ , and it filled Rey to the brim with liquid joy.

His lips were soft and insistent on hers, and his hands were almost worshipful as they stroked her jaw, her neck, the only places they could comfortably hold while cuffed together. Rey’s hands grasped fervently at any part of him they could reach, fluttering from his shoulders, to his cheeks, to his hair. She dragged her fingers across his scalp, carding them through the soft waves that she’d longed to touch for an embarrassing amount of time. Ben shivered noticeably, and stepped closer, bending to loom over and into Rey’s space. His knee shifted between her legs and she reacted with a snarl, shoving him back and onto the uncomfortable cot. 

Ben only had a moment to look abashed before Rey climbed onto his lap and resumed her conquest of his mouth. Her thighs locked tight around his hips, and she waved a dismissive hand over his binders, which fell to the floor. His arms went around her in an instant, and she pressed forward and  _ down _ .

“Rey,” Ben said, and she could feel the deep growl of his voice from where she was flush against his chest. She pulled back abruptly, into the cradle of his arms.

“Is this- do you-?”

“Yes-” His voice was gravely from sickness or arousal or both, and Rey felt it rumble pleasantly into her as Ben jerked her forward again, his hands tense on the tuck of her waist, “ _ Yes _ ,”

Warmth bloomed in Rey’s core and she fell back into the kiss. Her hands flew to Ben’s arms, his shoulders, anywhere she could touch- Force, there was just _ so much _ of him.

Ben kissed her back with equal fervor, his fingers sliding almost too delicately over her hips- Rey grabbed his hands in her own, moving them to press into her thighs, and she relished Ben’s quiet gasp. She rolled her hips and that gasp stuttered into a moan as she ground down on his erection.

Rey whined at the feeling of Ben throbbing against her core, her eyelids fluttering as she continued to buck against him.

“ _ Rey- _ ” Her name was a sharp hiss on Ben’s lips as he grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her into a rough kiss. His tongue chased her surprised inhale of breath, and Rey melted as the wet muscle ran over the roof of her mouth. Her hips found a steady rhythm in time with the languid pace of the kiss.

But as Ben’s hips began arching up into the soaking crux of her thighs, Rey felt a coiling tension rise in her gut that spurred her faster, faster, until she was practically writhing over him. They were both panting now, and Rey could feel the phantom throb of Ben’s arousal echoing down their bond and between her legs. 

An embarrassingly wanton moan escaped Rey’s throat and suddenly she was spun around and thrown down on the cot. Ben hovered over her for an instant, wide-eyed and gasping, before descending upon her, his full lips pressing, sucking,  _ biting  _ into the skin of her throat. Rey arched her back, exposing more of her neck for the taking, rolling her hips up to chase the delightful high she could feel building in her core. 

“Ben,” She cried, and he ground into her harder in response, sending another shivering thrill up her spine, “ _ Please- _ ” Rey was barely able to form the words, her head felt fuzzy and lethargic with pleasure.

She could just make out Ben’s words from where his face was buried in her shoulder. Over and over he repeated, “ _ Love you, love you _ ” in a chain of desperate moans only broken by the repetition of her name like a prayer against her collarbones.

Rey clawed at his back, tearing at the stubborn fabric of his shirt, loathing that they hadn’t paused to undress. Ben’s fingers had moved to thread through her hair, and as they both drew closer to their limit, he pulled unthinkingly, jerking a cry that bordered on pain from Rey as he wrenched her head back- and that was all she needed to come, loudly, beneath him.

Rey wailed silently as white-hot pleasure buzzed through her, her eyes rolling up, her thighs shuddering around Ben’s stuttering hips as he came with her. He was gasping heavily into her neck, but Rey could barely hear him over the whine in her ears, the song of a bond finally consummated. Her legs continued to shake weakly even as Ben rolled off her, and pulled her into his chest.

They were comfortably silent for a long moment. Rey’s eyes blinked open to find Ben laying on his side, looking at her with open, wet eyes,  _ smiling _ . Belatedly she realized her own cheeks hurt from the sated grin that stretched them.

“Hey,” Rey whispered.

Ben hummed in response, and Rey noted absently that this was the first time she’d seen him without the slightest trace of discontent.

“We really are very stupid.” He mumbled, still smiling.

Rey barked out a surprised laugh, and nodded, giggling.

The weight of reality hung heavily over their shared bubble of joy, but neither of them felt it. They were together now, and whatever came after this, they could handle it.

Soon they would have to face what lay beyond the door to the cell, but for now, Rey let herself relax to the sound of Ben’s unlabored, healthy breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> It seems that getting the reylo fics on ao3 to 20k was the motivation I needed to finish this lil vent piece. Pretty proud of it, it's definitely the longest oneshot I've ever managed.   
> I'm still rusty at smut so uhh. I hope it was good, and fit with the tone at the end :)


End file.
